During the past couple of weeks,
I have read through Song of Songs several times; I have read papers
and commentaries written on it and I have listened to sermons. And
my conclusion is that a lot of really good theologians and teachers
struggle with this book included in Scripture. They do agree that it
is part of the entirety of Scripture and thus it is part of the whole
redemption story that is the overriding theme of the Bible. They
also agree that it is a poem about love, love between a man and
woman. They also agree that the love story is an example given to us
as to what courtship and marriage should look like. Of course there
are other places in Scripture that talk about marriage and God's
commands concerning it. It has also been said that Song of Songs is
the least preached on, the least written about, and the hardest book
in the Bible to understand. For hundreds of years the church didn't
really know what to do with the book.
So don't feel badly if you
struggled with this. However I will dare say that we all have a
better understanding of what Song of Songs is about in general, and I
dare say that we all have at least one truth, if not several to take
away from these two weeks we have spent on this. If nothing else you
should be walking away encouraged that God approves of marriage and
the marriage bed and expects you to be passionate in the love affair
you are having with your husband.
I do have to say that I heard
some great sermons, I read some great papers written on it and I
learned
much. For those of you who really want to know more about
Song of Songs and be blessed in the process I have a link to some
great lectures given at a conference on Song of Songs. The teacher
was James T Dennison, Jr from Northwest Theological Seminary. He
delivered 6 lectures getting into the details and structure of the
book looking at an overview, looking at the poetic structure from the
Hebrew text and then going through it verse by verse. Actually quite
easy to understand and will give a much deeper insight into this
poem than we can do in two weeks. The link to find this is:
Song of songs lectures
As we have said, Song of Songs is
a love poem. As Kendra said last week it talks about marital love
in a covenant marriage between a man and woman giving us insight into
the intimacy involved in a sexual relationship. Their love story is
one of purity before marriage, of how people in love should respond
to each other and how their mutual love serves to strengthen each of
them and their marriage.
But what about those of you here
who are single, widowed, or divorced and are no longer in a position
to experience sexual love here “under” the sun, I get that...
After our car accident and Larry's head injury, I learned that I had
to stay away from romance novels and movies.... couldn't go there
then when I was in my 30's. It was just too hard. I missed the Larry
who loved me. I didn't want to talk about it and I really did steer
clear of Song of Songs along with novels and movies about love
stories. The first time I ever read more than a few verses in Song
of Songs was a few weeks ago. But now that I am “older,” it is
easier to look back with thanksgiving at what Larry and I had without
sadness knowing that God in his goodness and love had a plan for us
that would be different after just eight years.. And I have to say
that I know I have grown closer to Christ, felt His love more deeply
that I would have if the Larry of our early marriage was the same.
God is good and His plan for each of our lives is right. As someone
reminded our Sunday School class on Sunday, “Count it ALL joy!”
I was really blessed by something
that James Dennison said in one of those lectures about those of us
who for whatever reason are not involved in an intimate, sexual love
relationship in marriage right now. And that is that the Song of
Songs is a beautiful picture of passionate, erotic, covenental love
in a marriage between a man and a woman. Dennison went back to
Genesis 1 and 2 where when God created man and then the woman and
said they were to cleave one to the other and he said, “It is
good.” That relationship between a man and woman is what is
reflected in Song of Songs. But the Song of Songs also looks
forward to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb when Christ will have His
bride, the church, with him and what a celebration that will be!
Actually over and over throughout the Bible, Israel and then the
church is referred to as the bride and God and Christ the groom or
the husband.
We must know and we can know from
many other places in Scripture that God through Christ loves us,
each one of his own daughters with the passionate, steadfast,
covenental love that we see here in Song of Songs. This book is for
us too. And if you listen to those lectures Denison talks about why
looking at God's love, His extreme love for us isn't allegorical but
just as real as the love the man in Song of Songs had for his
“darling.”
Oh that we would know and really
believe that God loves us no matter what!! And how do we experience
God's love more and more? We ask him to show us; we spend time
teaching the gospel to ourselves everyday; we spend time with our
Lord and Savior, our heavenly groom who will one day “present us to
himself in all splendor and majesty.” As women without an earthly
husband we must live in gratitude and praise for the God who loves us
better than any husband on earth could.
But now let's talk about our
lesson for the week. It is important that we think about what love
looks like in a marriage. And as she said, “where love is....
there will be....marriage, fear, words or communication declaring
that love, giving of oneself and there are other things.... on my
list I included strength, protection, faithfulness, and perseverance
and I would add their will be commitment..
One of the things we notice as we
go through this love story is that there are real ups and downs
in the journey. Isn't that the
truth? We all know that from experience. There are times when you
couldn't be more in love with your husband...things are going well
and you pray that this love story will only get better and better and
then boom.... the bottom drops out, some times from circumstances
beyond our control but many times because of three issues,
self-centeredness, disagreements about money or PMS..
As we have learned the marriage
in Song of Songs happens from 4:6 to 5:1. Around that center point
there are different events that happen both before and after. And
even though there were some down times before, it mainly involved the
extreme longing to be with the other person. The young woman day
dreams a lot about being with her beloved.
In one dream before the marriage
she sought her love but could not find him. Perhaps there was some
fear involved here in whether he still loved her. If this is a story
about Solomon, then we must understand that she she did not have easy
access to him since he was the king. Maybe she hadn't seen him for
awhile. Do you remember doubts and fears you had before you got
married: like “Does he really like me? Does he love me? Did I do
something wrong?” Those fears are real.
Here when she went looking for
him in her dream she found him. But after the marriage we have the
disturbing scene where she is half asleep and he knocks on the door
but she “had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had
bathed my feet; how could I soil them?” She hesitates to open the
door because doesn't want to be bothered, she would be
inconvenienced. Perhaps there had been a disagreement. And then when
she finally does go to the door, he is gone. And then real fear sets
in and she frantically goes looking for him. The result is not good
and she ends up hurt and bruised. In later verses if you listen to
Dennison he explains how there is reconciliation which in the end
strengthens their marriage.
Marriage is not a bed of roses.
At times it is downright hard, but those hard times come to
strengthen us to teach us about the folly of our own selfishness, our
lack of trust in our spouse and even our trust in God.
The thing is fear can have a very
damaging effect on a marriage. One pastor I listened to said one
question he always asks young couples when they come to him for
marriage counseling is “Do you trust her totally?” “Can you
trust him?” “Can you trust this other person for the rest of
your life?” If you can't then do not get married. He said that a
lack of trust leads to fearfulness in your relationship. With trust
comes obedience, submission, putting the needs of the other person
first. In the NT we read that perfect love casts out fear.
Also when we find ourselves
fearful, we must realize we are not understanding God's sovereignty
in our life. I think one of the worst questions that I have heard
from married women or that I ever said in my own head is this one:
“Did I marry the right person?” “Did I make a mistake?”
Wow... the very next question we must ask ourselves is, “How
sovereign is God?” If you really believe He is sovereign over all
things, then I married the right person and so did you. That does not
take away from being wise in choices, we still have responsibility
but we can know without a shadow of a doubt that God indeed planned
this man for my husband because through this man given to you, God
will conform you to the image of his Son. He will use the good and
the bad, the wonderful times and the hard, hard times to teach you
about Himself as you trust God and His perfect plan for your life.
I am so glad that in Song of
Songs the hard times in marriage are included. Their romance and
marriage was not a fairy tale; it was very real. Remember when you
were young, thinking about finding the man of your dreams, the
perfect man who would love you perfectly, who would make you perfect
and get rid of all your issues. The man who would fix everything and
the two of you along with your perfect children would live happily
ever after. And then you found him and he was perfect, or almost
because he loved you. And then you got married.
One time a young man who was
dating a girl told me that even though loved this girl, he wasn't
sure he could marry her because of some problems she had. Those
problems might make marriage to her less than ideal. First, I
reminded him that he had problems too. But as I told him, marriage is
indeed a glimpse of heaven on earth. The intimate relationship we
will have with our Lord and Savior is seen in the relationship with
our spouses when we are giving our love to each other without
restraint, or selfish motive...when we give all we have to make the
other person the best they can be. Isn't that what Christ does for
us and we will reach the climax of that love when we see him in
heaven, when we receive our inheritance. But, the truth is marriage
here under the sun does have its problems. We are not only saints but
we sin and we live in a broken world. So what marriage really does
is sanctify us as we are forced outside of our selfish desires to
give to another. God gives us our spouses to mold our characters in
ways nothing else can.
So just how important are
“declarations of love” in our relationships, especially the
relationship with our spouse?
How many of you like to read or
even write poetry? I love poetry... just for fun let me read you one
of the most famous love poems in history.
"How
do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."
by Elizabeth
Barrett Browning (1806-1861) |
|
How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways.
I
love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My
soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For
the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I
love thee to the level of everyday's
Most
quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I
love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I
love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I
love thee with a passion put to use
In
my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I
love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With
my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles,
tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I
shall but love thee better after death.
|
Can you imagine how Robert
Browning felt after he received this written declaration of
Elizabeth's love for him? He also wrote love poems to her but
probably the best reaction to the love poems she was writing him is
found in a letter he wrote before they were married.
Written
January 10th, 1845
New Cross, Hatcham, Surrey
I
love your verses with all my heart, dear Miss Barrett, -- and this is
no off-hand complimentary letter that I shall write, --whatever else,
no prompt matter-of-course recognition of your genius and there a
graceful and natural end of the thing: since the day last week when I
first read your poems, I quite laugh to remember how I have been
turning again in my mind what I should be able to tell you of their
effect upon me -- for in the first flush of delight I though I would
this once get out of my habit of purely passive enjoyment, when I do
really enjoy, and thoroughly justify my admiration -- perhaps even,
as a loyal fellow-craftsman should, try and find fault and do you
some little good to be proud of herafter! -- but nothing comes of it.
Poor Robert. He wanted to get
her poems out of his mind, dismiss them, but he couldn't. He even
tried to be critical but “nothing comes of it.” Her words to him
in poetry form only drew him closer to her.
Here in Song of Songs we have the
words of this couple's love story written down. The love they had
was put into words by both of them. The way they felt about each
other was not only said out loud but it was written down and put in
the cannon of Scripture.. Now I don't know if they wrote their
feelings down when it all happened. But I can't help but wonder if
they really did write notes to each other when they weren't together?
I have a feeling that did happen. But we do know that at times they
were speaking directly to each other. They shared their feelings,
their thoughts with each other.
Communication is so important
from the beginning of a courtship and throughout the years of marriage. I also know that some of you have husbands who do not
express their feelings out loud...they aren't poetic, they aren't
good with words. Maybe your husband is like the old man who was
asked when was the last time he told his wife he loved her. His
reply took a few seconds... “Told her back on the day we were
married and haven't changed my mind. I'll tell her when I do.”
One thing I used to do when I was
teaching English and we would read some of the love poems written by
Shakespeare, Woodsworth, Shelley, Elizabeth and Robert Browning was
to talk about how important sharing what you were thinking about the
person you love with that person. Most of the male students I had
came from ranches and farms in the midwest and believe me they were
more into trucks, tractors and guns than words, especially romantic
words. But I would tell them this, “When you meet the girl that
you know you want to marry, make sure of that... a girl you can't
live without... write her a poem telling her what she means to you or
what you love about her. Don't do that unless you really plan to
marry her because if you don't marry her, you will break her heart.”
In the years since, I have had
several former students tell me that their husbands who were also
students did just that and it was what put them over the edge. That
one poem sealed their decision to say yes forever.
Some of you sitting here who have
been married for years, would love to get a poem or even a note from
your husband.... maybe he can't say it out loud but you yearn for
that confirmation of his feelings. As women we need to have
confirmation of our husband's love. So I have a couple suggestions.
*First and foremost, pray
that the Holy Spirit will move him to do that. Pray that words will
be given to
him. God really does answer specific prayers. Share with
God that you need that affirmation from your man who has a voice here
under the sun.
*Second, be an example.
Instead of talking so much (which women do fairly easily) you can
write down your feelings about him and what he means to you. Remember
what men need is not so much to know that they are loved but that
they are respected. So you tell them specifics about what they do to
make you feel loved, protected, provided for and cherished. Leave
little notes around the house. When they travel, put a note or
several in their suitcase. And then pray some more. And who knows
they might learn from your example.
*And here I'm going to
add something for those of you who don't have a husband or maybe a
husband who can't be a husband....because we need that affirmation of
love too. Begin a journal where you write down verses from the Bible
that deal with Christ's love to you. Those of us who don't have arms
of flesh to wrap around us need to remind ourselves over and over,
daily of Christ's love for us and what he did. Grace is another word
study that will lead you to his love, protection and provision for
you. “Fall in love with Christ all over again by letting his love
permeate your very being.” If we don't do that, I will tell you
that the same thing that creeps into loveless marriages will creep
into your heart and that is bitterness, cynicism, and a critical
spirit accompanied by anger, depression and hopelessness.
To take this one step further,
words of encouragement are important to all of us. And everyone of
us in this room know someone who is either unmarried, widowed, alone,
or a woman who is really struggling in her marriage and does not have
someone with fleshly arms to show them love. What would happen if we
each reached out to one woman like that?
Let me tell you about someone who
did that for me a few weeks ago. As most of you know, Larry fell the
end of August and my life turned upside down for a couple of months.
It meant no sleep for me, rarely leaving the house, Larry couldn't be
left alone for even a minute. I was exhausted, I was alone, and
wondering what the future looked like. Then one day, at the end of
my rope, I sat down at my computer and wrote in my blog about what
was going on. I asked my sisters to please pray for me... And God
did answer the prayers of my sisters. Immediately my spirit was
lifted, Larry slept most of the night that night and I was greatly
encouraged. Many sent me notes by email or on FaceBook. Some called
and some sent cards. But several days later, someone in this room,
if she is here today, sent me a message on FB. “There is a little
something on your front step. Thought it would encourage you.”
Now, you probably don't all know
this but my love language is gifts... and there on my front step was a little basket with a tin of mint Tazo tea (awesome tea), a bag of
Lindor chocolates (I'm so glad that came before I found out I had to
cut sugar out of my diet), and a book by Elysse Fitzpatrick,
“Comforts From the Cross” which is all about the passionate love
of God for us.
Ladies, you have no idea what
that basket did for me--that tangible evidence of a sister's love.
She took the time to drive it to my house and leave it on my step. I
don't know if she rang the doorbell or not, since we had left the
house for about 30 minutes to run a quick errand, but I'm sure if she
did there would have been a tangible hug to go with that. Gals, we
need to encourage each other. We need to be there to show love to
those who are hurting or lonely. When Jesus came to earth “Love
came down” so we can spread that love to others.
Which leads us right into the
fact that love is the giving of oneself....as Kathleen said, “There
is exclusive giving of oneself.” There were many examples here in
Song of Songs that we talked about in our small groups.
This idea of giving of oneself to
another to meet their needs, to help them without any thought of what
we will get from them is totally counter-cultural today. Actually
when someone wants to do that in our culture they are looked at as
suspect because there has to be an ulterior motive.
But the truth is that marriage is
designed in such a way that if the exclusive giving of oneself does
not happen, if there are not two people giving everything they have
plus that much more to the other person, the whole thing can fall
apart.
I love the Christmas story by O
Henry called “The Gift of the Magi.” A summary of it written on
Wikpedia says:
Mr.
James Dillingham Young ("Jim") and his wife, Della, are a
couple living in a modest flat.
They each have only one possession in which they take pride: Della's
beautiful long, flowing hair, almost to her knees and Jim's shiny
gold watch, which had belonged to his father and grandfather.
On Christmas
Eve,
with only $1.87 in hand, and desperate to find a gift for Jim, Della
sells her hair for $20, and eventually finds a platinum fob
chain for Jim's watch for $21. She found the perfect gift at last and
runs home and begins to prepare dinner, with 87 cents left.
When
Jim comes home, he looks at Della with a strange expression. Della
then admits to Jim that she sold her hair to buy him his present. Jim
gives Della her present — an assortment of expensive hair
accessories (referred to as “The Combs”), useless now that her
hair is short. Della then shows Jim the chain she bought for him, to
which Jim says he sold his watch to get the money to buy her combs.
Although Jim and Della are now left with gifts that neither one can
use, they realize how far they are willing to go to show their love
for each other, and how priceless their love really is.
The
story ends with the narrator comparing the pair's mutually
sacrificial gifts of love with those of the Biblical
Magi:[4]
The
magi, as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who
brought gifts to the new-born King
of the Jews in
the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being
wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the
privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely
related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a
flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest
treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these
days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the
wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest.
Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.
And so we come to the end of our
little study in Song of Songs....a beautiful book with all its
imagery of nature, and its poetic devices used to tell the story;
with all the characters, even those besides the couple who help give
us a picture of what love should look like in community. I'm sure
none of you know this but there is a Hollywood star who actually
wrote a commentary about Song of Songs because he thought it would
show that God approved of erotic love expressed by anyone, especially
outside of marriage. What he found (and I can't remember his name)
was that this book included in the canon of Scripture was different.
He actually looked at erotic love poems written at the same time as
Song of Songs and came to the realization that this was different.
This was special.
So as you wives go from here use
what you have learned to enhance your marriage, to love your husband
passionately, to express your love for him in more tangible ways. For
you who are not in a marriage now, (and also for those who are
married) go from here understanding that God loves you with a
steadfast, faithful and passionate love which was shown when he sent
his Son to die for you so that one day at the Marriage supper of the
Lamb we will celebrate with our groom His passionate love for us.
Ephesians 3:14 +
For
this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from
whom
every
family
in
heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his
glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his
Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts
through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have
strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and
length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ
that
surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all
the
fullness of God.
And Amen.
would heal Larry, he would be out of the coma by now, he would be the Larry I married, life would be back to normal...that is called hope. But God is good and His ways are not our ways. We don't always get what we want but as He teaches and leads us we know that His ways are the best ways for His glory and our good..
